I feel you. I really do. I understand your pain and how the hot tears prick the back of your eyes when you read articles that talk about how lactation failure is a rare thing. I understand the rage that you feel when people tell you to just try harder and drink more water. You say that you’re disgusted with the current healthcare given by providers, and I’m right there with you. I was in the same position as you, feeling like a freak of nature. I even had a nurse practitioner tell me that my breast milk wasn’t good enough. That only sent me back further into my abyss of despair.
I’m not here to tell you how to feel. I’m not going to say, “Snap out of it” or “Focus on the positive.” I’m here to tell that it’s okay to feel this way. It’s okay to crawl under the covers and cry deeply; to allow the sorrow to flow as the sobs come from your gut. Let it all out.
But I’m going to make you a promise. I promise you that things WILL get better. I’m not sure when. I’m not sure how. But they will. If you can cling to this promise, I hope that your day will improve slightly and you’ll begin to feel the sun shine on your back and smell the sweet scent of autumn, and embrace life just a little more.
You are a beautiful woman. It wouldn’t hurt so much if you didn’t want the best for your baby. The fact that you’re fighting is unbelievably commendable. The average woman doesn’t battle as hard as you do. You are awesome. Please don’t forget this.
With much love,